In A Sea Of Boys

Let the Fun Begin!

2010-10-21T17:44:00.003-05:00

Next week I officially start radiation... which I have affectionately titled "Nukem U"...

The skin on my left chest wall

(from bra-line to collarbone, and sternum to past my armpit)

will most likely end up looking ... well... over baked.

They have assured me that I will not glow in the dark at any point. Darn!

The orginal timeframe my radiation oncologist gave me was 28 treatments...

M-F... starting on a Tuesday & skipping Thanksgiving....

If I figure it right...

and if I don't miss any treatments...

and if they don't change the number...

I'll be done December 3rd...

which is two days short of 10 months since I found the lump.

Yeah!!

A Scare... and Breathing Easy-er?

2010-10-09T08:44:00.010-05:00

So... I had a bit of a scare this week...

Ok that's an understatement.

I had a cause for moderate to major freaking out.

I had a busy medical week anyway with stuff for the transition from chemo to radiation.

Monday: Echocardiogram, ECG, and Oncologist post-chemo check-up
Tuesday: Radiation consultation with my new Radiation Oncologist
Wednesday: Appointmet with Surgeon to have mediport removed, since chemo is done and I shouldn't need it anymore.

I had this little lump develop near my mastectomy scar over the course of about a week...

At first I thought it was no big deal, just some funny skin thing. But I was at the oncologist anyway... so I mentioned it. He said it need to come out; no ifs, ands,or buts. I told him that I was seeing the surgeon on Wed. anyway to have my port removed. He said not to do that yet. Have the lump checked/removed. Absolutely cannot start radiation until this is dealt with.

It wasn't so much that I had to have it removed as that he said "don't get your port out"... like you might need that!... that I started to freak out. I was fine until I got out of the office and to my car, then I proceeded to cry for the next 45 minutes before I could pull-it together enough to drive home.

Tuesday, the radiation oncologist,Dr. Z, concurred that it needed to at least be biopsied. He was a bit more specific (because I asked for specifics of the "what-if" scenarios). IF it is cancer... best case scenario is that it is removed. If she (the surgeon) can't remove it for whatever reason, Dr.Z said he could adjust the radiation to that area to deal with the lump... give it a little extra oomph! ya know... but regardless, I would have some kind of scan done to see if cancer was anywhere else, like the lymph nodes under my sternum or some other part of my body (like my bones).

And then we would go from there.

So Wednesday, I saw my surgeon (who is fabulous!) and she removed it. She also remodeled my scar a bit. I had this funny part that kind of stuck out at the end of the mastectomy incision, near my sternum. Since the lump was close to that area, she got rid of the lump and the funny bump at the same time... leaving me with 17 stitches to show for it. I love her because she will give me a straight answer without the typical sugar-coating if I ask for it... which I did. She thought it looked like a cancer recurrence.

Well.... It's NOT. The pathology came back that it was just an abcess, a spot of some kind of localized infection. I'm not really sure why it was hard and unmoveable, but....

So now I wonder why I am NOT breathing easier.

I mean... this is a minor miracle in my life. A recurrence after a mastectomy is typically a bad thing. Statistically, about 80% of women who get one eventually end up with cancer that has spread to other body systems, which is really not good.

So I lay in bed this morning... trying to figure out WHY I don't feel massive relief...

And I think I figured it out, at least somewhat...

From the time I was diagnosed, I have known that my cancer seemed to act pretty aggressively, grow pretty fast...

And I have been worried that it has spread already... and nobody knows it. From the beginning,

I have wanted SOMEBODY TO LOOK FOR IT.

Unless you have some symptoms of macrometastasis

(something big enough to cause symptoms), they don't look.

So if I had some bone pain or a funny cough....

they would look, but since I didn't....

well, they just watch and see.

You see, it doesn't improve your chances to find the spread early (before symptoms),

because the major factor is spread or no spread.

So here was my chance for someone to look for the sleeping monster inside me....

and now it's gone... now we're back to wait and see.

I feel like a ticking time bomb.

I know I have said that before, but it's just as true now.

I don't feel safe in my own skin.

What do you do when you can't get away from what's out to get you?

And so... I go about life.

I'm still a mom, a wife, a lover, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a follower of God, a nursing student.... all of these things and more.

And I try to convice myself that everything will be fine.

That I'll finish my treatment and that will be the end of it.

Sometimes it works, but sometimes.... well it doesn't.

I sound really morbid and depressing and I don't mean to.

I know more than ever that God has a plan for me

and that He is in control.

It's just that somewhere deep within,

I know that this cancer journey for me is going to be a long one.

That at some point it will be back and we'll dance again.

And I'm ok with that.

I just wish I knew when the music was gonna start....

Back to School

2010-09-11T11:18:00.003-05:00

I feel like an incredible blogging slacker again, but it can't be helped.

At some point, I would like to write an Ode to Taxol (my current chemo drug) and whine my little heart out about how much I do not like it. But for now it will have to suffice to say that my chemo infusions will officially be over in 9 days... just 2more treatments. Then a little while after that for the residue to get out of my system and then hopefully I will be able to say goodbye to the pain and Vicoden that has accompanied the Taxol for the last 10 weeks...

But that will come later. Maybe December...?

Because I have started nursing school and now, I have no time for much of anything besides the necessities of my life... family, school, cancer... hopefully I can keep them prioritized that way. I try to keep up with everyone else, but just have no time to write anything about us. I apologize. Just know we are all well and still here. And God Bless Us, Every One.

A 4th of July Salute... A little late but heartfelt

2010-07-07T08:07:00.005-05:00

My Friend Michelle emailed me the link to this great video and I wanted to share it.

As a proud daughter of a retired Air Force man and friend to many other military men and women, thank you for your service and dedication to freedom...

(Who ever thought KISS would have something like this out there?)

Congratulations!

2010-06-02T09:57:00.003-05:00

I have gotten 2 "Congratulations!" in the last week or so and I thought it time to share a little good news for a change...

First...

"Congratulations! You are not a mutant."

My genetic testing came back with no known mutations of BRCA 1 or BRCA 2 genes. Good news for me and all my family as it means my cancer was probably just dumb luck... a fluke... and my chances of future breast or ovarian cancers is no more than the rest of the population... In fact it may be less than average because of the hormone therapy I will be on for 5 years after I finish radiation. And it won't be advised to have a second mastectomy and my ovaries removed (as it would have been with a mutation). So Yeah!!

Second...

"Congratulations! You have successfully petitioned to the

Associate Degree Nursing program and have been awarded a spot...for Fall 2010."

What this means is that I am heading back to school in August.

Life goes on, in spite of the big "C."

Doube Yeah!!

God is Good.

"Mom, I Need You"

2010-05-28T10:12:00.006-05:00

I have a dear friend H. She and I have been through thick and thin and then some over the last 10+ years together. We talk on the telephone quite regularly. Now, H has a little girl, Flower, who is about 3 1/2. Flower has always done things on her own timeframe and is not afraid of expressing her needs vocally.

As an infant.... well she was a little high-maintenance. She didn't walk until she was almost 2, although for no physical reason... I am convinced that she just didn't feel like it yet.

Now, she is very verbal. And she has no problem just walking up to her mom and saying,

"Mom, I need you."

Sometimes it's a snack or a nose-wipe or a movie or her little brother is being a pest...

sometimes it's just because...

Just because at that particular moment life seems to big for her to handle on her own and she just needs her mom....

Climb up on the lap. Get a hug. Suddenly everything is OK again. And life goes on.

This is my mom. Isn't she cute for an old chick?!

Now, I think I got a rather false sense of security when Chemo Round 2 wasn't too bad.

Round 3, however, knocked me down pretty good.

No puking involved, but a good deal of nausea and exhaustion beyond newborn-baby stage.

Treatment was on Monday. By Thursday, I was a mess. I had slept 12 hours, gotten up and taken a shower, and hit the wall. I didn't even get my older kids driven to school. I was standing in my bathroom, crying over my pathetic-ness, when I heard Flower's little voice in my head and just knew I needed my mom.

Suddenly I was 3 years old again, and I knew that if I could just have my mom, somehow I could get through the day and things would be ok again.

So I called my mom. She didn't have any plans that day.

She asked what was up... and I lost it... I just cried. I told her that nothing was up. I was just tired and I didn't feel good and I needed a mom.

She said, "I can do that. I'll be there shortly." No questions, just OK.

So she came up (she's about 45 minutes from me) and got my kids to school... 2 hours late, but oh well..... let me cry and then just spent the day being my mom. She did my dishes... we made some muffins... she mostly made them really... got some laundry folded... and she stayed til my hubby got home... cuz then he could take care of me.

You know....One of the hardest lessons for me to learn through all this has been that it's ok to not be ok. Most of the time I am pretty positive and upbeat.

But I need to give myself permission to occasionally be a mess...

even for no other reason than that I'm tired of being tired...

And it doesn't matter how old you are,

sometimes you just need your mom.

Thanks, Mom. You're Awesome!

I woke up to a much better day.

Strange...

2010-05-12T14:04:00.001-05:00

Strange how when you have no hair to get greasy, it's easy to forget to shower (until you begin to notice a not-so-nice aroma).... hmmm

Pretty

2010-05-07T19:36:00.000-05:00

This lovely varigated yarn feels happy and summery.

I have been blessed with not just one, but two very special mothers-in-law. I know this is not always the case, but mine have been wonderful. Thanks, Mom Irene! This one's for you.

Holy Crap!

2010-05-07T09:18:00.000-05:00

I was writing out bills Thursday night and decided to add up my total medical bills to this point.
Holy crap.
Now, I have quite good insurance, so we are not paying this total amount, but it is still staggering if you look at the totals.

Here's the breakdown:

My local clinic bill... $7766
Includes: Mammogram, surgeon (& surgery follow-up), IUD removal, & removal of some little cysts on my head (so I don't have such a lumpy bald head).

Hospital imaging... $1029.20
Includes: Breast MRI

Hospital... $26,963.65
Includes: Biopsy, Bloodwork, 1st surgery
Doesn't include: 2nd surgery... I couldn't find the bill with that on it, but I think it was about $12,000.

Oncology Clinic... $7224
Includes: Consultations, Bloodwork, Pre-Chemo tests, 1st Chemo ($2542)

Pharmacy... $463.77
Includes: anti nausea meds

That puts the grand total somewhere between $43,000 & $55,000... so far... with about 6 months of treatment to go... Holy Crap!

Chemo Chronicles: The New Do...

2010-05-06T18:30:00.008-05:00

SO... This was my "new do"... Remember?

I knew that the Adriamycin that is part of my chemotherapy makes everyone lose their hair. I had heard that the hair loss started about 2 weeks after your first treatment.

I had my first treatment on Monday, April 12th.

Sure enough....

2 Mondays later, while talking on the phone to a friend... my hair started coming out.

I knew this because I had been playing with it all morning... just waiting for the inevitible.
This was the Monday pile... every time I ran my fingers through my hair, out it came.

I didn't wake up to a pile on my pillow, but Tuesday morning I took a shower. It looked like a rat had died in my shower by the time I was done.
Then... because I am something of a "Picker"... you know ... like I pick at my nail polish when it starts to chip.... I started really working through my hair. I thought... somewhat delusionally... that if I just got all the loose stuff out, it would stop for a bit.
So I stood next to my sink and kind of "milked" my hair.... you know like milking a cow... I would grab a patch and start just going over it and the hair would come streaming out... like a waterfall.
After about a half hour.... I had this...

and decided enough was enough..... I was not going to spend all day obsessing...
literally pulling my hair out.
So I called my friend and asked her to meet me at the barbershop where my boys get their hair cut (when I don't do it).
I went to Ann's because her dad just went through cancer treatments... so she gets it.
I said... "Hey Ann, Got time to buzz me?"
And so she did. Down to about a half inch.
So at least when I read my book and pulled at my hair the next couple days, I only got little stacks of these...
{Sorry... not a good picture...}
Thursday, Ben got home from school and told me it looked like I had a "hair maze" on my head... you know... where the hair is just the outline for the bald-headed maze.
So I buzzed it down to nothing... Sadly, this is all I had left to buzz... it's on a washcloth.
The stubble bothered me, so the next morning I got out these...

And now I look like this....

Around the house, I go bald/comfortable.... At least I have a decent shaped head. I do have a little bump on the top and a mole on the back that I didn't know was there. Oh well.

Having no hair messes with my temperature, so sometimes my head is cold & I cover it... then 2 minutes later... I am so warm I can't stand it. Weird.

I am not "wigging." I do like my scarves though.

My dear husband calls this my "Pirate Girl" look.... "Arrrrgh!"

I do love the big earrings though!

Introducing... The Chemo Chronicles... Episode 1

2010-04-19T08:48:00.010-05:00

Episode 1: Welcome to the Show!

AKA... Cylce 1: AC +/- bev

The particular chemotherapy cocktail I am on right now is called "AC-T," or "AC then T"...

Adriamycin (doxorubicin) and Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide) are the "AC." I have 4 rounds, or cycles, of this cocktail... through IV every three weeks. After the first 12 weeks, we switch to Taxol (paclitaxel or "T") for another 12 weeks... so a total of 8 cycles. This is what my oncologist calls the "Gold Standard" breast cancer chemo cocktail.

I am also participating in a double-blind, phase III clinical trial for a drug called bevacizumab (Avastin). I get this also through IV every three weeks for all 8 cycles.

Neither I nor my care team know whether I am getting the "bev" or the placebo, which is why it says "+/- bev" above. Barring any complicating medical factors, we'll all be "unblinded" around Labor Day. (My doctor can find out at any time it becomes necessary for my care.) The study has 3 "arms," creatively called A, B, and C. 20% Arm A, placebo group. 40% Arm B, real drug. 40% Arm C, real drug plus.... if I end up in Arm C, I will continue to get the bev every three weeks for an additional 10 cylcles (30 weeks). I'm actually kinda hoping for Arm C.

Monday was a long day with a haircut and a stop at Micheal's to look at yarn before the doctor. We were at the clinic from 12 noon to 5:40. After a quick sandwich at Subway, we got home around 7. I went straight to the couch and was in bed by 9.

I have to have blood drawn before every treatment and then see the doctor, so I'm there for an hour before my treatment even starts. Because it was my first treatment, the chemo drugs were run in a little slower so my treatment took 4 1/2 hours. The remaining AC cycles, I should only be there about 4 hours; being on the study adds time because the study drug has to go in too. The Taxol treatments are shorter (2 hours), but weekly, so kind of a trade-off.

On a funny side note: Adriamycin aka doxo-"rubi"-cin... rubi like ruby red is comically known as "The Red Devil," because of its ruby red color... it makes you pee orange... like cheetoh/tangerine-y kind of orange ...like immediately after it goes in and for the next day or so... kind of funny... the nurses tell you that right away, first thing as they are giving it...(it goes in as an "IV push" not an infusion, which means the nurse manually pushes it in slowly over about 15/20 minutes from a couple big honkin' syringes rather than hanging in a bag and dripping in) Good thing too because I had to pee as soon as she was done putting it in... totally orange!

Side Effects...

I'm not thrilled about losing my hair, but whatever... I'm hoping to lose my leg hair too. Not having to shave for the summer would be what I consider a "Perk." I'm on the hunt for big earrings and funky scarves, and my Mary Kay lady gave me some free eye shadows and purple eyeliner to play with, so bring it on! I am still anti-wig; they're itchy.

Honestly, I was mostly afraid of the nausea. I really, really, really hate throwing up. My doctor had told me that it would be ok, but I was still very skeptical and preparing myself for the Worst... "The Worst" being spending days languishing on the bathroom floor, worshipping the porcelain god.

Prior to the actual chemo drugs, I get a cocktail of IV anti-nausea meds. Emend first, then Zofran and dexamethasone together. These meds take about 30 minutes total to infuse. I also have presriptions for Emend and Compazine for the next couple days. Emend is wonderful stuff that you take once a day. Compazine is an "as needed" med. Even though the Zofran gave me quite a headache for about 24 hours.... AWESOME COMBINATION!

I did spend 3 days at a constant state of semi-queasy, but I Never Threw Up! for which I am profoundly grateful.

It was worse in the early mornings around the time my husband was getting up (I think it was because my stomach got empty overnight), so he would get me a piece of squishy-white-bread and I would pop a Compazine and that would get me through until I got the kids off to school. And then in the evenings it would get bad again, so some saltines and a Compazine and I was ok. Thank you Lord for minor miracles.

Other than that... I was just very, very tired... collapse-on-the-couch, can't-keep-my-eyes-open-but-can't-quite-sleep, watching-tv-is-a-lot-of-work, too-tired-to-crochet tired. I usually had a couple little energy bursts. Enough to get a shower or load the dishwasher... except Thursday... Thursday was the worst fatigue. But then I perked up quite a bit on Friday and I felt great onSaturday! Sunday was pretty good, just took it easy in the afternoon.

I am now in what is called the "nadir." It's the time when my white counts are at their lowest, usually between 7 and 10 days after treatment. They start to rebound by about day 14. By 21, they are supposed to be back to normal so we can start all over again. But this week, I have to be really careful because I am at high risk of infection. The nurse actually told me that if I have a fever over 101 or chills to call, day or night, because that may be the only sign I have that an infection is starting. I was never germ-a-phobic before, but I am now.

I have also decided that I am not going back to work right away as I had planned. I have up to 26 weeks of short term disability through work, and I'm going to use it. Both the clinic social worker and my oncology nurse said that these first 4 cycles are very physically demanding and since I have a physical job (not a "desk job"), they both heartily recommended not working if I don't have to. I'm supposed to "stay active," but it's not like I don't have "Life" to keep me active enough between home and church... besides, cancer has started to feel like a full time job all by itself.

By the time I run out of disability, I will be close to starting school. My doctors all say that I should still be able to go ahead with my school plans for the fall. So I am moving forward with that. I should have all my paperwork in this week and will find out by mid-June if I have a spot for sure. Classes start the end of August.

Through it all, God is good. My prayer blanket got a real workout this week. It was never far from me exept when I was close to My Honey. My husband is awesome! My kids really stepped up this week and helped out. I am so proud of Rob and the maturity he is starting to show. My friend helped out getting the older boys to school. My sister brought me strawberries from Cosco. My church family helped with meals and any other support needed. It's good to be so loved.

Hair Today...Gone Tomorrow

2010-04-19T08:19:00.005-05:00

This is my pre-chemo hair... badly in need of a shampoo, but hey... that's what the salon is for right? As a kid, it was STICK STRAIGHT... now it has developed a wave of it's own... weird.

Bye Bye Ponytail!

A little Sassy Cassie showing...

My ultra-cute stylist Paige at the ultra-posh Madison salon we ended up at.

My new do... blown out with that big round brush they use....
I could never do hair...

I can't do the round-brush-thing to save my life.
Wish I had a photo where I had bothered to put make-up on, but I just haven't been that ambitious this week.

I don't love it... I like? it... most of the time.... which is fine, because it's only gonna be here another week or two and then you'll get some pictures of my summer chrome-dome.

I curled it up yesterday for church and got tons of compliments.
I just look sooooo much like my mom when I have short hair.
Good thing she's cute!

Chemo Day Is Here

2010-04-11T21:09:00.004-05:00

It seems very surreal, but I start chemo tomorrow. Today, I went over and talked to my neighbor's daughter...she's 55.... She went through it just a few years ago. I needed a pep talk. Her advice... Get ice cream after every treatment.

My doc's office is just down the street from Cold Stone Creamery so I think I will have to do just that. My friend Terry is going with me... just cuz she's a sweetie!

I have decided to have genetic testing; the genetic counselor thought there was probably only a 10% chance or so that I have one of the known BRCA 1 or 2 mutations, but I want to rule it out. It will also help me decide what to do next.

And I get my hair cut tomorrow morning. I'll post before and after pics when I feel up to it.

Prayers Welcome.

Weirdness...

2010-04-07T18:00:00.004-05:00

My dear friend H. is so right on here. I can't even add to it, except to say, "You Go, Girl!"

Really?! My Dog Is So Stupid Sometimes

2010-04-05T11:33:00.003-05:00

OK. So yesterday I gave my dog an Easter gift of the ham bone and maybe that was my bad... although he was really happy at the time. But today he puked on my carpet.

This is not really not a big deal in and of itself. And then he went and layed back down on the couch and went back to sleep. Typical.

I was busy and didn't immediately clean it up. {The kids are back to school (Hooray!!!) so it wasn't like it wasn't going to tracked around.}

When I got up to clean it up, he popped up his head and looked at me. I went to throw away the yucky stuff.

Then.... THEN... the stupid dog gets up and throws up... again... 18 inches from the first spot.

Like really.... he had to wait to puke again 'til I cleaned up the first batch...
and he couldn't even hit the same spot?

Is that like when your kids can't poop in a wet diaper; they have to wait for a dry one?

I Think I Need A 12-Step Program ASAP

2010-04-01T15:33:00.007-05:00

This is my stash. Completely covering my queen size bed.

I wonder if there is a local chapter of Yarn Whores Anonymous?

Funky cotton. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it, but it makes me think of saddle shoes and poodle skirts for some reason. Just too fun to leave in the store.

Generally I never buy this brand. It's itchy. However, my 10-year-old wanted to crochet a hat and scarf out of it so I have 3 skeins. After one brief attempt on his part, this has been added to my project list.

Some actual wool. The pink/brown was for Granola Heather. The off-white tweedy one was made into a natural-fiber, non-girly wrap for Dr. Kristin. It had that nice turquoise as trim. The purple is as yet unassigned, but it will have that dark (blue/burgundy/brown/purple) varigated with it. The two little skeins are a soooo soft merino wool blend for Granola Heather to make me a hat or two for my soon-to-be-bald head. I really dislike pastels; I need color!

Micheal's was having a yarn sale and I found these lushy varigateds. I love the one on the lower left; it feels like summer. The pink one might end up for my grandma. She likes pink.

Yarn sale strikes again. Nice purple and a green to go with above-summery-varigated.

Caron Simply Soft. Totally acrylic (fake/man-made) but really soft. What do you think... plain pink or varigated for Grandma? I have a striped pattern that is going to be so awesome with these vibrant colors. My mom got a birthday shawl in that turquoise with black accent.

Yes, I'm sorry to say, that is Vanna White. Vanna's Choice. Works up well and those one-color-with-white mixtures are really pretty. Again, black for accent. Really makes the other colors "POP."

And my homespun collection. The ones in the top row have all been "shawled" already, as has the second from the left. I had a request for another one in that gold-blend so I had to get some more. Personally, I think it's kind of ugly, but the woman I gave it to loves it and her co-worker liked it so much she asked for one in the same color. To each their own I guess. I love the others though.

And somewhere is a plastic bag with some BEAUTIFUL blue varigated that I splurged on last week... just for me....

Now, if only I could find it...

Shawl #20 was handed out today. It was the red homespun with some of that lighter red varigated on the edges. It made a few people smile. God is good.

The Power of Yarn and Prayer

2010-03-30T13:23:00.010-05:00

In January, I started to get the mid-winter blahs so I decided I needed a project. I work with elderly people, many of whom are in wheelchairs and many of whom are always chilly... so I thought I would find a shawl pattern and crochet some shawls for my old ladies, and maybe one for myself.

On a tip from my yarn-whore friend, I found this really pretty, FREE shawl pattern on Ravelry.com. It's called "The All-Shawl."

(I suggest this free site for anyone who likes to make stuff from yarn - lots of free patterns.)

This is mine. It was the 4th one I made, I think.

I loved the yarn and couldn't give it away.

I made it extra wide so I can really wrap up in it.

It is 75% acrylic and 25% wool; warm but washable.

Then I bought some yarn... ok lots of yarn. And then a pamphlet with a few other patterns, including the cute ruffley thing below. I'm a bit of a compulsive shopper. This lovely green one is for Lisa.

Soon after the pattern and yarn binge... before I even had a chance to start to crochet... I found my lump. And I began to crochet. And crochet. And crochet.

{My list is now on the sidebar... Holy Cow! 19 & counting...

Even I didn't realize I had made that many.}

Sometimes I had a person in mind when I started a shawl and sometimes I decide who it's for when it's finished, usually because of a moment of inspiration that points me to a specific person. I have really been blessed by this.

I have been aware from the beginning of this rollercoaster that I had the prayers of many blanketing me. But last week, I got tangible evidence of this. A few of my "sisters" showed up at my house one evening to deliver this...

It is literally my very own "Prayer Blanket." You see, my dear friends had been getting together since around Valentine's day, praying and knitting and crocheting for me. Each sister made a piece or two and then they put it together to make this lovely afghan. So now when I go to my chemo treatments or anytime, anywhere else I need a little extra warmth, I have the love and prayers of powerful, faith-filled women to wrap up in.

The day after I got this blanket was a hard day. I wrapped up in my prayer blanket and had a deep-sleep power-nap.

A little island of tranquility in an otherwise teary day, which is nothing short of a miracle.

Never underestimate the power of yarn and prayer.

God is good.

PS... I take requests. I just need a color choice and a place to send it.

A Quick Update

2010-03-15T12:29:00.007-05:00

I know that some of you are looking for an update on me and my surgery.

I wish I had something super-inspiring to share.... but I don't.

I am doing as well as can be expected, I think. The physical recouperation isn't as bad this time around as it was last time. I have a 15 inch incision from the back of my underarm area to just past the midpoint of my chest. It is stapled shut. I have a surgical drain through tomorrow. It sounds and looks way bad, but although I am exceptionally tired, I am not in a huge amount of pain.

I walked with my husband all the way to the corner and back yesterday; we live in the middle of the block. About 2 houses down, Tom asked if I wanted to stop and say "Hi" to the neighbors.... I couldn't. I just needed to go home. I was done.

I had a major emotional meltdown... well several of them actually.... Saturday. That was the day I could take my bandages off and take a shower. I thought I was prepared... but I looked in the mirror and just cried.

Then I cried my way through the shower.

Then I cried to my mom.

Then later... I cried to my husband, actually I finally cried myself to sleep with him rubbing my head.

I woke up to a better day.

So how am I doing? I don't really know how to answer that, except that I'm doing.

More Surgery

2010-03-10T18:42:00.003-06:00

The collective medical minds surrounding me (and some extra specialists surrounding them...) have decided that I need more surgery to minimize the risk that cancer will come back in the same breast, otherwise known as a local recurrence... Something which I am now at high risk for. This particular enemy that I am fighting seems to be pretty nasty.

So tomorrow morning bright and early I head back to the hospital for a mastectomy. I will be home tomorrow afternoon, surgical drain and narcotic painkillers in tow. I have "Cassie-sitters" lined up for Friday and Saturday. Some lovely church-family members are coming to clean tomorrow while I am gone, so I get to come home to a clean house, and others are bringing dinner through Monday or more if needed.

Through it all, God is good.

Prayers welcome.

The Squeaky Wheel Really Does Get The Grease

2010-03-02T11:12:00.004-06:00

I'm learning this, and learning it quick. Especially as it applies to my medical situation.

My surgeon does not want to order further testing for me (squeak, squeak). She wants me to see the oncologist and have HIM do it... if he so chooses.

But... since I am "anxious" about this (squeak, squeak), they got me an appointment with the oncologist this week instead of waiting until next week.

So my waiting will have a little relief in that capacity at least.

I see the oncologist on Thursday morning.

Squeak. Squeak.

The Waiting Game.... aka Cancer sucks, but I am still so blessed.

2010-03-01T08:53:00.006-06:00

It feels like all I have been doing lately is playing The Waiting Game. I wait for tests... I wait for test results.... I wait for appointments.... I wait for surgery.... I wait for more test results.... I wait to heal.... I wait to see the oncologist to get the game plan for the next step in treatment...

I wait..... for some ray of good news in the midst of all of the bad news coming in....

But not much good news has come. The tumor had grown by the time they got it out, almost tripled in size from the mammogram only 8 days earlier. The pathology results were not encouraging. Everything indicates that this cancer is NOT messing around. It is agressive and moving fast. On a cellular level, everything they score from 1 to 3 (1 being in the "not-so-bad" category)... my cancer scored a 3.

It was in 6 lymph nodes; one of these nodes was the size of a golf ball instead of the kidney bean it should have been. It had started drawing in surrounding tissues, like nerves. It remains to be seen whether or not I have permanent nerve damage in my left arm.

It was in my blood vessels, which means that even as I wait to heal from surgery it is moving around inside me looking for a new home.

I feel like a ticking time bomb.

So I have started looking for good news.... searching out the bright spots in this unpleasant reality that I now find myself. And there are many....

I have an awesome husband. He has been, and continues to be, my strongest cheerleader. He is such an example of absolute faith that God will see us through this. He gives me so much strength when I run low... which is often.

I have 4 fine healthy sons. Proof that miracles happen all the time.

I have a wonderful family that has rallied around me. My sister even went online and ordered Gone With The Wind for me on DVD because I lamented not being able to find it to add to my chic flick collection.

My church famly has blanketed me with love and prayers. Not to mention dinners for my family, housekeeping, cards and more cards, and unconditional support.

My friends have done the same.... plus some flowers and the occasional chocolate treat.

I've lost about 20 pounds in the last month.

I've decided to cut my hair before chemo and donate it to Locks of Love. At least if I have to lose my hair, I can do it on my own terms.

I have gotten to spend the last 2 weeks being a complete slacker. Chic flicks, naps, and crochet.

And many many other things that escape me.... That's just how my brain is right now.

I had this weird compulsion to find a shawl pattern and buy lots of yarn right before I found this lump. Interesting coincidence, if you believe in coincidences... which I don't, or proof that God is in control and knew that I was going to need something to do with my hands to keep me sane through the waiting.

I have made 6 shawls... finally one for me last week. The rest I give away... special Cassie hugs that will keep you warm anytime. The one I will probably finish today is for the lovely woman who did my mammogram. She herself is a breast cancer survivor. She knew what she was looking at in me from the beginning and didn't let on. So Barb, this one's for you.

I am hoping to have a scan done this week which will tell me if this cancer has transplanted anywhere and is setting up housekeeping in a major way. It will not detect microscopic stuff, but will still hopefully give me a little more peace of mind. The oncology appointment to set up the treatment protocol ... aka plan of attack..... should be next week, but I won't know when until Thursday after I see my surgeon for another follow-up.

I'll keep you posted (Ha Ha! I'm so punny!)

A Few Thoughts on Psalm 23

2010-02-17T12:19:00.007-06:00

Psalm 23 has been on my mind quite a bit in the last couple days and I wanted to share my thoughts. They are not just mine; I think we had a message about this a few months back and it is just returning strongly to me.

Most people think of Psalm 23 as the "yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death" funeral scripture. No I am not feeling morbid or all that depressed. Scared, absolutley! But that is for another post. In the great words of Scarlet O'Hara... "I'll think about that tomorrow."... Anyway, back to the Psalm.... I disagree about the funeral-only usage.

Here is the Psalm.... and my thoughts.

The Lord is my shepherd,

Shepherds take care of their flock. I have a powerful shepherd.

I shall not be in want.

My needs will be met....

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

Not just any pastures, but "green" pastures.

He leads me beside quiet waters,

Peace.

He restores my soul.

"Restores" me... when I've got nothing left.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

His paths... not mine. I don't get to choose the paths;

my job is to follow where he leads.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

Sometimes things suck.

I will fear no evil, for You are with me;

I don't need to be scared. I am never alone.

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

He will help me fight off the "wolves" of life... the enemies.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

A table for me... a feast even...

in front of my enemies... not with them...

Like God saying, "Ha!Ha!...This one's mine!"

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

I am so blessed.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

God loves me and He wants me to be happy.

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

What an awesome finish line.

My surgery is tomorrow and I am very aprehensive about that, but I do have a great sense of peace that God is really watching over me.

I am going to try to keep my blog updated throughout this process. It is as much for me to get all this stuff bouncing around my head... OUT... so I don't feel like I'm going nuts.

Please continue the prayers.

"Their Finest Hour"

2010-02-12T17:07:00.000-06:00

I found the last part of Churchhill's speech on YouTube. It's pretty cool with the accent!

Enjoy!

Stupid Boobs

2010-02-12T10:58:00.006-06:00

I have thought long and hard how to title this post. I think "Stupid Boobs" is as close as I'm going to get right now. Now some of you may think that I am referring to some mentally challenged lame-brain that cut me off in traffic or something, but I am in fact referring to ... well... boobs.

Boobs come in all shapes and sizes. I have always longed for perky D-cups, but we all know that those don't really exist except in SiliconeWorld. What I have ended up with is a gargantuan size... well, H... I think. {I have in fact been up to a J which is repulsive, but I think I am at an H now.} Very nice and jiggly and I can never go anywhere without a bra, including my living room, unless I have a couple layers (like a heavy sweatshirt) on.

Boobs are useful for a time. Mine fed all of my children. My husband certainly enjoys them. I really don't like carrying them around all that much, but my chiropractor appreciates the business they cause him. I regularly have to go have my back and neck adjusted to deal with lugging 12-15 pounds around on my front.

Right now, I HATE MY STUPID BOOBS!

Last Friday, while changing my clothes, I found a lump. Freaked out. Tried to pretend it didn't actually exist. Didn't mention it to anyone.

Saturday, I called the nurse at the clinic about the supposedly-nonexistent-but-annoyingly-still-there lumpy boob; really I was just hoping she could get me in for my annual poke-and-probe a little quicker than the usual 6 weeks it takes to get an appointment. She said, "It really should be evaluated. Come in this morning." Cried. Told my husband.

The very lovely, very thorough Nurse Practitioner I saw validated my stupid non-existent boob lump and sceduled me for a mammogram.

"Great!" I thought. "Hello, Boob Pancake."

The one good thing about mega boobs though is that mammograms are really not heinous. You see, they put your boob on a shelf and then squish it into a nice pancake shape, take a picture, rearrange, re-squish, etc. My boob more than willingly sits on a shelf, and -let's just be honest here- is more flop than full anymore. Pancake... no problem.

Mammogram was Wednesday morning. The radiology tech told me before she started that she would run the pics over to the doc at the hospital (literally, next door) and don't be surprised if he wants an ultrasound. "They almost always want an ultrasound with a lump, so don't freak out." Of course, he wanted an ultrasound. They'll work me in.

Off to the hospital (next door) I go and get an ultrasound. Followed by a needle biopsy of the "worrisome nodule" they found. Surgeon talks to me. Surgeons always give you the results of these things aparently. Results Friday afternoon. {By the way, a "needle biopsy" is way more than it sounds like.}

Thursday,results in early. 4:30 appointment with the surgeon. 4:45 p.m.... Surgeon says, "You definitely have a breast cancer."

I kind of knew already. From the moment I felt the supposedly-non-existent lump... I knew. I felt it. That this was not "nothing" like most lumpy 35-year-old boobs turn out to be. It didn't matter. I still didn't know what to say...

I mean...

What do you say to that? I'm 35, ok almost 36, but still. I have no family history of any kind of cancer. I don't smoke or drink. I breastfed my babes. All that stuff is supposed to protect me, right? Aparently not in my case.

So my friends, and my family, I am in for a fight. When you are my age, breast cancers tend to grow quicker and be more aggressive. We are treating it quickly and aggressively.

I go in for an MRI on Tuesday, surgery to remove the lump and check lymph nodes on Thursday. If lymph nodes are involved and/or if they don't find clear tissue margins when they do the pathology work-ups from the surgery, that means more surgery. After surgery, 6 months of chemo. After chemo, 6 weeks of radiation.

Winston Churchhill gave a speech in June 1940, when Europe was getting totally anhialated by the Germans, that talked about how the fight needed to go on. So that 1000 years from now, people would talk about their fight and say from the midst of their struggle against the enemy came "their finest hour."

This quote is what my wonderful husband told me about last night when I asked what he was feeling. He said the doctors say that 2010 is going to be a sucky year for me, but he thinks it will be my finest hour. How sweet the victory will be. Vanquishment of the enemy in the darkest of times. My enemy is cancer.

Earlier this week, one of my friends who knew what was going on, emailed me to tell me she was praying... and specifically what she was praying. I thought is was so well put and beautiful. These are the prayers I ask for from all of you...

"...peace of mind; assurance that God is in control and will work His best for you; that somewhere deep inside, the joy still lives – lending strength through the fear and uncertainty; that the Great Physician will find that His will is that you be healed of any problem there may be.

I’ve included Tom in my prayer because the husband goes through a whole spectrum of emotions, too. (Even though he may not admit it!)"
{-And please add my sons in here. They now know what's going on... and IT'S. JUST. HARD. }

I know that God has a plan for me. I am glad for that and I accept it. I know that good will come out of this somehow. That being said, I don't have to like it! I hope to get through the coming months with as much grace and joy as I can possibly find. I know you all will be here to help.

...Prozac anyone? (Rated slightly PG)

2010-01-15T09:00:00.002-06:00

So I have a slight case of the doldrums... lots going on, but all in a pretty boring/normal kind of way ... soooo not too much to talk about.

So here is another funny... swiped from an email my sis sent me...

* Life is sexually transmitted.

* Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

* Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

* Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism..

* Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?

* In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

* We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

*When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Pick up a turd... by the CLEAN end?!

2010-01-14T10:27:00.003-06:00

So I am supposed to be being productive.... but instead I am cruising Facebook and updating my blog. In an ode to that, I am totally plagerizing something my cousin Matt had as a status. It was too good to pass up...

"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." Unknown author

Well said, Mr. Anonymous Author. Two Thumbs Up!

Twilight Saga = My Personal Brand of Crack

2009-12-18T09:21:00.004-06:00

And so... I am off to finish my Christmas shopping... hopefully by noon... so I can go see New Moon at 12:20 by myself... aka without children.

Maybe now that I will have seen both movies... and read all 4 books... twice... I'll be able to continue sampling my friend H.'s brand of crack and try to learn to knit.

Yeah! I Passed!

2009-12-17T10:23:00.006-06:00

I thought I failed...But I passed!

...my certification test to officially be a CNA, certified nursing assistant.

Really it's not rocket science, but people tend to get tripped up on the skills exam by forgetting small steps. You are tested on handwashing and 4 other random skills out of about 25 possibilities.

I missed a couple little steps on one of the skills. You have to pass all 5 skills to pass the exam...

I thought that I had NOT passed as my group was waiting for our results...

But I did it!!

I just feel... relieved...

one more step towards my chosen career is out of the way.

Woo Hoo!!

Can't wait to get back in school in August!

Help! I've Been Bitten!

2009-11-30T11:36:00.007-06:00

Yes... I've been bitten. And it's not pretty.

Bitten by the vampires of Twilight. It's quite pathetic actually.

We bought the movie last week at the request of Rob; he wanted to see it again before New Moon came out. He has read all the books. Jake has read Twilight and New Moon.

So... I watched it, prettymuch out of parental obligation... but partially to see what the heck the big deal was.

I can't say it was AWESOME!! or anything, but it did hook me in enough that I wanted to read the book.

Coincidentally, Jake won a New Moon triviacontest the next day at school...
The prize: Twilight, in paperback.

That was Wednesday at 3 pm. It's now Monday at 11:45 am, and I have puchased AND READ the all 4 volumes of the Twilight Saga. That's two thousand, four hundred, and forty-four pages in less than 6 days, with 2 work shifts, Thanksgivings, and a little sleep in there.

Ahhhh... my own personal brand of heroin.

(Needless to say, nothing else much got done all weekend... much to My Love's consternation.)

Rob saw New Moon over the weekend; I promised Jake I'd take him soon, at least sometime over Christmas break.

Now it's time for some catch-up housework... while Twilight is on in the background of course!

PA. THE. TIC.

Thanks For Today - The Power of the Pooch

2009-11-25T08:19:00.003-06:00

Maybe my Thanks For Today should be something quite profound on the day before the actual Thanksgiving holiday, but today I am thankful for my dog. I considered myself more of a "Cat Person" until about 7 years ago, when I had a couple cats that really liked to urinate on my furniture. Having to get rid of my living room couches was a pretty quick "Cat-Person CURE."

My husband let me pick out a beagle puppy for a wedding gift. And even though my puppy Zeke has been a real pain in the hiney many times, he has still converted me into a definite "Dog Person." Zeke kind of annoys my sister, so it was especially funny when she sent me this video. It's kind of cute and cheesy, but also.... profound... and illustrates why I am such a sap for my dog.

Some people would argue that cats are like this too, but cats are very prone to PMS-y kinds of random crabbiness. Dogs just love.

Pay it Forward...as promised

2009-11-20T08:40:00.000-06:00

Here's the deal... this is a blogging Pay it Forward. One of my former posts (maybe in March?)tells you how much I love the movie, but this idea actually came from my dear friend H.... who got it from someone else... and so on.

The first 3 people to put comments on this post will receive a handmade gift from me within the next 6 months. The recipients then each post a similar "Pay It Forward" post and likewise give handmade gifts to 3 people, within a designated timeframe of their choosing.

Woo Hoo! Let the gift-o-rama begin!

(H, I can't wait to get my socks!)

Thanks for Today - Lifetime Friends

2009-11-19T08:30:00.008-06:00

My thanks for today is for my good friend H. She inspires me in so many ways in the (mostly) graceful ways she lives her life. She loves deeply. She knows how to laugh. Given her childhood experiences, these two things alone are nothing short of miraculous. I wish she gave herself a little more credit.

She is a thoughtful giver; when she gives you a gift, you know it was picked with very specific thought for you and your needs/wants/loves... not just to fill an obligation. She always remembers my birthday, even though I always seem to forget hers. She sends me Mother's Day cards.

She is my "2 am" person... you know...

the person you can ALWAYS call, even at 2 am.

She appreciates the finer points of warm brownies and ice cream.

We can talk every day or once a month and it's still like coming home.

So my love, as I visit you today with excessively chocolate cake in tow (Happy Birthday, a little late as usual), I hope you know how much I love you and how awe-struck I am by you.

Thanks for Today - Laughter (a.k.a. All Rocks Go To Heaven)

2009-11-12T15:04:00.008-06:00

I love to laugh. Our women's retreat last month actually had a Certified Laughter Leader. I had no idea what this was until I went, but her job is to get people to loosen up and laugh. You basically do all these quite stupid things and force yourself to laugh, until pretty soon you are laughing so hard at ... well you really have no idea why you are laughing, but you can't stop.

For instance, turn to your neighbor, shake their hand, and greet them in Hawaiian.

"A- LOH- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Or the "Roller Coaster Laugh."

Totally ridiculous. And you feel totally stupid, until you realize that everyone else is acting as mental as you and then you just relax and laugh... and laugh... and laugh...

{ I'm so glad I had the forethought to pee before it started. }

Laughter has healing power, for body and soul. I am so thankful for this gift, for a God who loves me enough to want me to have joy and laughter.

So here's your laugh for the day....
(A friend sent this to me. Thanks, T!)

Do Dogs go to Heaven?

Absolutely unreal that this actually happened!

These two churches face each other across a busy street.

My Guilty Confession

2009-11-09T09:27:00.002-06:00

Maybe I really still am 14...

I admit it; I'm a Taylor Swift Fan. For those of you who missed her on SNL, here's a replay of her musical monologue.... very funny.

PS... I also really LOVE, LOVE this new tune from Miley Cyrus... I don't care if she doesn't really listen to Jay-Z (neither do I!), but I always have to jam a little when I hear it. Added bonus: totally embarrasses my kids when I do this in the car! Go ahead & boogie! Ya know ya wanna!

Thanks For Today- Gratitude in Hardship

2009-11-09T08:47:00.009-06:00

Blogging is an interesting beast to me.

I primarily started doing this on the prompting of my dear friend H.

But there are perks.

I didn't grow up close to my extended family, but thanks to dedicated grandparents on my mom's side we always felt part of the family. Well, time passes. I was one of the older grandkids, and as I got married and had kids, traveling cross country became nigh unto an impossible financial challenge and my younger cousins have gone and grown up without my permission. I remember them being preschoolers and now most of them are married and many have preschoolers of their own. Most of my girl-cousins blog, as well as most of my boy-cousins' wives. So now I am getting to know my extended, extended family... and it is very cool.

My cousin Justin has a lovely wife (I think we've met once...?) who posted the following tidbit. Now I know some of my readers are not LDS (my whole family is) but I thought this was an excellent message regardless of denomonational preference.

Thanks for Today.

Today I am thankful that I can have peace and joy through Christ, even and especially when it seems like the hard times in my life will not let me up for air.

{And thanks Echo for sharing this in the first place}

Thanks for Today - A Great Big Cyber-Hug for All You Fellow Blogger-Moms

2009-11-05T08:52:00.005-06:00

I don't know if anyone else reads random blogs of people they don't know, but I do. I start at someone I know, then look at their sidebar, see a post title that looks interesting, and before I know it I am reading about the crazy life of a complete stranger. One such blog gave me the idea to practice some November gratitude, blogger-style. So every day (that I have time/ remember) I'm going to blog some gratitude.

Today I am thankful for all my fellow mom-bloggers. It's amazing to me when I read about those I know and love, and the complete strangers, how similar many of our struggles are and yet how unique and gifted each of these special women are.

I was reading a Christian fiction series recently called "The Sister Circle." It was about women: how we are made to be compassionate nurturers, how God loves each of us, has a plan for each of us, and how intertwined our paths really are.

So Thank You, women of the blogging world. Thank you for sharing your joys and sorrows, triumphs and tragedies, and little windows into your worlds. You have surely enriched mine.

Small Addiction

2009-11-04T13:41:00.001-06:00

{I wish I knew why my camera won't upload pictures so I could show the photographic evidence for the post. ARGH!}

Anyway, Monday morning, I was feeling very out of the loop after a long weekend with no compuuter, so I put some water on to boil for Cream of Wheat -still a favorite comfort food- and sat down to quickly check my email and the blogs I read. Some time later, I smelled a distinctive "hot" smell.... you know, like when your curling iron has been on too long or something has dripped in your oven and is now smoking madly. I suddenly remembered my breakfast plan and quickly checked the stove. I had boiled the pan dry! All I had left was a nice area of hard water scum and a very hot pan. I had to take a picture of course... so sad the camera is rebelling. Do they have therapy for blogging addiction?

Sleep & Leaves

2009-11-04T13:21:00.003-06:00

With my new work hours, I have an entirely different relationship with sleep. A.K.A. I can't ever seem to get enough, even on my days off. I worked Monday night, but I don't go in again until Saturday night. So yesterday (Tuesday morning... otherwise known as when-I-get-off-work-from-Monday) I took Rob & Jake to school and then went and got some badly needed groceries. I got home and put away the must-be-cold things and then I went to sleep and slept 10:30 am - 3 pm. The kids got home and I went about the usual evening stuff. Bedtime came and I was out like a light somewhere around 10:30 pm. Got up with my hubby at 4:30 am and made him some coffee (the {almost} ultimate act of love), then stayed awake and read. By 11, I am falling asleep.... UGH!

So when I took the dog out, I decided to stay out and rake some leaves....

We have a huge maple tree in out front yard that I absolutely love. The only thing that would make it better would be if the leaves turned a brilliant red, or even orange, in the fall instead of a nondescript yellow. Bu anyway... my front yard was relatively covered in leaves. The back yard is too, but to a lesser extent and will havt to be another day.

I was raking them out to the street when I started thinking about fall when I was a kid. We lived out in the country on about an acre of land that bordered a patch of pine woods on one side. In the front yeard, we had 3 big trees; I think they were oak, but my kid-mind didn't store details like that. I used to LOVE fall. We had leaves everywhere. I remember spending whole days out playing in the leaves, making piles and jumping in-swinging into-burying each other under them. I would also go down to the old lady down the street's yard and play in her leaves so my brothers and sister wouldn't mess up my creations. You see, I would use the leaves to design a house (walls, furniture, the works) and then play in them.

I have no idea what the ultimate destination of my childhood leaf piles was... here in town, we just get them out into the street and they come down the street with a bobcat and a big vacu-sucker machine.

But... I was feeling notstalgic....So, while my neighbors all have their leaves neatly in the street or just mysteriously vanished, I raked mine into a BIG pile in the middle of the yard. An afterschool surprise for my boys.

~~I hope they enjoy it 'cuz my arms and shoulders are killing me!~~

Moms... This One's For You!!

2009-10-21T06:17:00.001-05:00

WHY GOD MADE MOMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make Mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair.. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1.. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.. I'd get rid of that.
2. I 'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

No Point At All...

2009-10-20T06:22:00.001-05:00

There is no point at all to this video except that I think it's way funny!

Enjoy!

PS... Happy Birthday Grandma!

Evolution of a Clown Cake

2009-10-19T11:23:00.006-05:00

First, you need an idea.

I came up with this crude little sketch at work, about 4 am. This clown cake was to be chocoalte. I recommend Duncan Hines Chocolate Fudge. (If anyone has a nice dense chocolate cake recipe, I would love to have it! Until then, Duncan Hines has the best cake mixes on the market.)

Now it's time to select pans and bake. Since I make wedding cakes, I have "petal pans." I chose the 15" petal pan for the face...

a 1/2 sheet for the hat...
and a 6" petal for decoration on the hat. I had some left-over batter, so I made 2 - 6" squares.

This is kind of hard to see, but I traced the pans and made cutting templates. I trimmed the top of the large petal flat, so the hat would butt up against it. Then I scooped out two of the bottom scallops to make a chin. The 1/2 sheet was cut into a hobo-type hat. I actually made the hat taller and used the small squares for the bowtie. The small round cut-out was for the nose and the other for the center of the bowtie.

I cut everything out and froze the shapes overnight to make them easier to handle.

Then, made up a heap of icing and

TaDa!!!

I bought an icing tip and an 18" decorating bag before my last wedding cake and it is an awesome time-saving combination. Also, true RED (and black) icing takes an insane amount of gel food coloring.

I used a new icing recipe this time and I really like it. It is easy to make and use and it tastes better than most "white" icings. It makes up a bunch, but stores for 3 months in the refrigerator (or so the recipe says). It comes from The Taste of Home Baking Book.

Bakery Frosting

2 cups shortening

1/2 cup nondairy creamer (like powdered CoffeeMate)

1 tsp clear vanilla or almond extract

1 package (32 ounces) powdered sugar

1/2 to 3/4 c water

Beat shortening, creamer, and extract. Gradually beat in powdered sugar. Add enough water for desired consistency. (Less water for piping/decorating; more water to spread easily) Store in refrigerator for up to 3 months. Bring to room temp. before spreading.

Another Jewel from Will... a.k.a. "DMV Style Healthcare"

2009-10-15T08:43:00.004-05:00

I fought Facebook for quite a while, but I signed up earlier this year after succombing to peer pressure. Reconnecting with a couple good, good friends - that I had completely lost track of with really no hope of relocating - has been an unexpected blessing. One such friend is Will. He and I were two peas in a pod our freshman year of college at Idaho State. He didn't return the next year and I left midway through sophmore year.... I tried a few times through the years to find him, but he seemed to vanish like a fart in the wind. God has taken us both on amazing journeys that have led places that neither of us would have imagined way-back-at-19-when-we-knew-everything.

Anyway, this amazing friend of mine somehow finds the coolest video tidbits. I am very anti-"government-run healthcare." Here's a funny little spoof... "DMV Style Healthcare"

Too Funny! But So True!

The New Schedule

2009-10-01T19:25:00.002-05:00

So... I really like my job. The hours take some getting used to, but I am doing pretty well with that so far. (I seem to sleep really well every other day.) One of the residents today told me I was "a good girl." I take that as very high praise from her. I've also decided that getting Parkinson's disease now ranks high in the list of things I fear the most.

My "Cake Lady" hat is back on too. I was asked to make a clown cake for a women's retreat this weekend. I got the basic design sketched last night at work and spent some time looking at pictures of clown faces. I'll post a picture of the finished product next week. Unless of course it totally flops, then there will be no photographic evidence.

Good News, but.... Scary?

2009-09-25T08:57:00.001-05:00

So, I am excited to announce that I have a job.

I had interviewed 2 different places; this is not the one I planned to take. I don't know why God wants me here, but I am sure that this is where I need to be right now. I was waiting for over an hour before my interview (the Director of Housing was dealing with "a situation"). The Director of Nursing, who did the initial interview, finally came by and got things going.

She started out by saying, "We'd like to hire you." I felt such peace, such confirmation that it was the right thing. She didn't mention that she wanted me for night shift until later. By then it was too late for me to back out; I already had my answer. I try not to argue with God too much; even if I win... well it's usually much more difficult than if I had just listened in the first place, so here we are.

This is a very good thing for our family financially right now. I am entering the health care field which I am excited about (at the bottom of the food chain, of course, but that's OK). It's close to home. It pays well. It's got good benefits and a 401K. I don't have to wear scrubs. The facility is beautiful. The management team seems really great; the head of the facility is actually a good friend of a good friend, which is reassuring. All this is good, but I am still majorly stressed and aprehensive.

What makes me really nervous is that I am going to be working the NOC shift... which means, I put my kids to bed, snuggle with my sweetie a bit, then head off to work, and work 11 p.m. until 7:30 a.m. Then I come home, kiss my kiddos good-bye before school, maybe drive the older ones to school, and then come home, have breakfast, and try to go to sleep til they get home and wake me up.

Now, I know that lots and lots of people work third shift. It's not that I think I'm too good for that or anything; in fact, I offered to work nights. I'm absolutely petrified of failure, and I'm worried that I won't be able to handle this. I LOVE SLEEP! I'm not sure 6 or 7 hours is going to cut it. And what about the weekends? What if I fall asleep in the middle of the shift? (There's a workout room in the lower level and I may go get my blood pumping before my shift and on my lunch break to help me stay awake.)

I have also not been married long enough that I don't care whether or not I sleep with my husband. And frankly, I don't plan to ever become that way. I love snuggling with my hubby. I love that we still sleep tangled and roll over to find each other even in sleep, even if it's just with fingers or toes. I'm going to miss that 5 nights a week.

I'm not sure when I start at this point, but it will be soon, probably within the next week. I know God has a purpose in this new adventure far from my comfort zone. Wish He would clue me in on what it was...

My Sweetie

2009-09-23T08:14:00.013-05:00

Now, I acknowledge that he's quite a bit older than I am... a self-described dinosaur-type, grumpy old curmudgeon at times...

But look at that grin!

I think he's just so cute... gray hair and all.

This is My Sweetie, Tom, with Ben and our friend Drew at an antique car show that Tom's Model T club puts on every year. The club has a guy that brings his antique, steam-powered tractor and steams sweet corn. It is awesomely good corn!
I had to miss it this year due to a scheduling conflict...
and I really missed it!

(Notice that Drew has a gun. His main love in life is anything army related; guns definitely qualify... Gotta love boys!)

Tom with one of his best buds for the last 40+ years, Steve.

Just a couple of good ol' boys, sittin' in the sun enjoyin some fresh sweet corn. Life is good!

(Drew belongs to Steve.... I thought DREW was totally over-the-top into army stuff, until I met Steve's older brother... holy pajamas!)

Tom's contribution to the car show... his 1924 Model T...

it's old, but cute too!

Innocence Lost, Part II and a bit of "Mom"ism

2009-09-17T09:08:00.003-05:00

The boy involved in this incident confessed to police last night. Not only did he confess to the incident with one girl, but also "numerous other girls." He is now facing multiple felony counts of sexual assault to a child. He will be 18 very soon; what a way to start your adulthood.

How do our young people become SO LOST that they lose all sense of right and wrong?

I am pretty right-wing conservative. I take some flack for that in the contemporary world, but I make no apologies for it.

I absolutely do not support homosexuality as a birthright, but consider it absolutely A CHOICE. This boy's mother made the choice to become involved with a live-in same-sex partner after being divorced from his father. What kind of example does that set for an adolescent boy... anything goes? How can we possibly expect children to grow up with any sense of appropriate sexual behavior when adults in their lives model deviancy?

I would also guarantee that this boy was exposed to/familiar with pornography. You don't go from A to Z without steps in between... or a "slippery slope," to coin my husbands favorite phrase in regards to all those little gray areas: r-rated movies, TV shows with raunchy humor, magazine covers that idolize that party-girl image... even Disney cartoons are full of inuendo and exceptionally skinny women in skimpy costumes.

I think that as the mother of a teenage boy, I am more conscious of these things than I have ever been. He thinks he needs a girlfriend to fit in. I guess he's a lot like me at that age... which scares me, because I was really messed up, and nobody realized it.

By the way, to all you not-yet moms or young moms...

the 2 curses of your mother's really do work...

1) I hope you have a child just like you...

It works because you find little bits or big bits of yourself in all your kids

2) As a kid you say, "I'm never going to do blah-blah-blah like my mom....

but you find her words coming out of your mouth...

and then you slap your hand over your mouth in astonishment and think

I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT!!!

Innocence Lost

2009-09-16T09:22:00.003-05:00

I am so sad, and so angry this morning. I am also exceptionally proud.

We found out this weekend a 13-year-old girl that I know is a victim of a statutory rape and sexual harrassment. Her step-bother inadvertantly discovered the harrassment, and then the rest came out.

I am so,so sad for her... because society told her that her worth was gauged by her ability to be "sexy" ... and she's just a little girl. She has been acting strangely since this happened, very emotional and snippy with people. Now we understand; she is so lost and confused and hurting... and so ashamed.

She. Didn't. Tell. Anyone.

I am angry with her mom, whose views are that of a catty 15-year-old cheerleader... that her daughter got what she wanted, she should just buck-up, get on some birth control, and move on. So what that kids now call her a slut and a whore. Deal with it. Oh, and what's wrong with her sister's boyfriend sneaking in and spending the night; she's 16, and they only got down to their underwear... no big deal.

I am so proud of her dad and her step-mom, who are dealing with this situation with love and compassion to their daughter, and yet still taking the legal steps to protect her. Prosecuting the boy, getting the girl and her sister out of a situation where their mother is not acting in her daughters' best interests. I am proud that they have used the struggles they have faced to do what is right for their daughter. They have a long road ahead of them, but I applaud them every step of the way.

And I pray for them. I pray especially for this girl. That she will realized that she is so loved, by her parents and by God.

I Guess I'm One of The Stupid Parents...

2009-09-12T10:47:00.003-05:00

My friend Will had this posted on his facebook page. I guess I'm one of those parents this guy is talking about, who is not smart enough to effectively raise my children for the left-wingers...

Then again... our current administration really doesn't think that having children is all that important; they are trying really hard to sneak in public funding of abortions as health care "reform," according to this article.

And last, but not least, at least someone knows how to make a little light of this situation....

It's Hard For Congressmen to Apologize

because you know that politicians rarely apologize for anything...

As my wise friend Will also said, It's good to know that God is in control, because there seems to be no room for him in the US anymore.

Blogging Slackeritis

2009-09-03T10:38:00.013-05:00

I have some guilt over my summer case of Blogging Slackeritis. I have friends and family who have moved and had babies and other ambitious stuff and still managed to keep their blogs somewhat updated. And while I read everyone else's lives on a regular basis, I just haven't managed to update mine. But with my children back in school, and the fact that I am not working a paying job yet, I really have no excuse.

So... a few updates for those of you who actually read this... I am absolutely horrible about remembering to take pictures, but I did find a few.

Summer is church camp season around our house, and this year was no exception.

This was our Vacation Bible School group in the end of June. The front scene was supposed to be an oasis with palm trees (put it together for $4...pretty proud of that). It was a fun week with the kids, and all the adults that helped were really great to work with. Ben is upfront in the yellow (his t-ball shirt); Alex is on the middle-right in the stripes; and Jake is in the middle-back in the light-colored tie-dye.

A couple weeks later was Camp Tenderfoot, which is a 4-day camp for kids ages 8-11. The couple I'm standing with brought this insane 3-D puzzle which we worked on during our down time. Since they did the programming and I did the cooking, I had more down time. I seem to have inhereited my mother's addiction to jigsaw puzzles, becasue I was determined to have it done before the end of the camp. I think we got it done the last night, about 11:30.

And now for the boys...

No, this is not a mugshot, this is the first baby I birthed. It's often hard for me to believe that he is starting to look like such a man. Rob's stats... 6'2" tall, about 190 lbs, size 15 (or 13 EE) shoes. He started out as this... well, this was about 4 months old... isn't he cute!!

Jake is a budding teenager, and I'm sure within a year or so I will be lamenting him growing up (literally). Our friend had a costume party in June right after school got out. Since the boys had their mohawks, we let them be punk rockers.

Jake added our spare dog collar and a chain leash (from when Zeke was a pup and used to chew on the cloth ones). Someone at the party dubbed his costume "Freak On A Leash" whick Jake thought was very cool.

Ben's was different colored on each side. He did wear a shirt.

Alex's photo op actually came on the first day of school. He got home to find this huge toad outside in our carport.
He enjoyed holding it for awhile until he realized it had pee'd all over his hand... and I really mean ALL over (who knew toads had bladders that big?) which I totally laughed at. Is frog pee still considered wart-inducing? Hee Hee

And, of course, because I'm a sap for my puppy... I had to include one of my puppy.

The Babe is my friend's Lovey who incidentally shares Zeke's birthday. Lovey is 1; Zeke is 3. So the Babe and his big sis Flower were hanging out at my house one day. Zeke found a toy of the Babe's that he thought was really fun. The Babe thought Zeke was really fun and he kept following the pup around the living room. Zeke finally retreated to the top of the couch where the Babe could just holler at him, but couldn't reach him to smack him in the face and pull on his ears. It was pretty funny.

I am immensely grateful to Grandma Sandy for the few days respite when she took the kids on a sight-seeing trip to St. Louis and stuff. She came home very ready to give them back; she doesn't miss long car trips with kids (and the constant squabbling that goes on in the back seat).

Ummm... Excuse me?!... What did you just say?

2009-06-22T08:17:00.002-05:00

My dear friend H. has often used her blog as a political forum; I have generally tried to steer clear of this. H. often found tidbits of information about our current Mr. President that the media tried really hard to hide/ignore/underplay during the election, like the fact that Obama is vehemently (not moderately) Pro-Abortion. In a speech to a Planned Parenthood gathering in Illinois, Mr. Obama said that if one of his daughters got in trouble/made a mistake... he wouldn't "punish them with a baby."

So pardon my gagging/dry-heaves/eye-rolling-disgust when I see in my Father's Day Sunday newspaper a big picture of him with his daughters on the front page of the "Parade" magazine in it... with the big caption

'If I Could Be Anything, I'd Be A Good Father' by President Barack Obama

Ummm... What!? Why is it when you want a child it is a gift or a blessing but otherwise a punishment? And how does promoting the death and destruction of unborn babies make you the poster child for fatherhood?

Gotta Love Google

2009-06-19T09:21:00.004-05:00

Now and then I get nostalgic... I know, no one is shocked by that... but lately I have been thinking about my friend Kim from years back. We were really close and then life just got crazy for both of us. I was going through a divorce, working full time, and then I had baby #4. She also had a baby... I think #5... her husband got his Ph.D, and then they moved. That was about 7 years ago I think..... then *POOF* she was gone.

So anyway... I was thinking about her... tried to find her on Facebook without success... so I Googled her husband, Mr. Ph.D., because he wanted to teach college and usually college professors have to do research and publish stuff, so I thought I would be able to find him.

On about page 3 of the Google listings, I clicked on one that looked promising and there was his big toothy grin from the faculty page of a university in their home state where he has taught for 6 of the last 7 years. With am email address. So I sent him this "I'm an old friend of your wife's" type email .... and we'll see.... Sometimes I wonder why I am such a sap... but you gotta love Google!

Multitasking 101

2009-06-19T09:15:00.004-05:00

For the record, books on CD from the library are an awesomely good thing. I love to read, but I often find myself so enthralled by a good novel that I neglect everything else in my house... little things like laundry and dishes, and big things like my kids and fixing meals. Now... I MULTITASK! I "read" my books on CD while I fold laundry and do dishes and bake birthday cakes (yes, the Cake-Lady strikes again). And the CDs are broken up into 3-minute tracks, so it's pretty easy to find my place again if the boys need something. Reading indulgence without the guilt! Ahhhh!! How cool is that!!

Sticker Shock

2009-06-13T09:39:00.000-05:00

I ran to the store for a few items the other day. While I was there I had the realization that school was getting out and I have to feed my kids lunch everyday from here on out. $300 later....Goodbye grocery budget.

My heart goes out to my homeschooling friends who do that year-round.... I really like the fact that mine eat lunch at school and it's one less meal to cook and one less set of dishes to do. How spoiled I am!

Wedding Cake

2009-06-12T09:31:00.000-05:00

Decorating cakes is a little hobby I have. Recently it came in very handy. One of the boys needed a little reading tutoring; one of our friends from church is an awesome tutor. Her daughter was getting married. We swapped a semester of tutoring for a wedding cake. We improved our reading comprehension by 2 1/2 grade levels in a semester and they got just the cake the bride wanted. Her cake was my 5th wedding cake; it was set up on the covered back of a grand piano.

Blogging angst....

2009-06-11T09:22:00.004-05:00

I think the previous post took me an hour and 3 years off the end of my life. Just a few rants... I mean questions...

Why is it that the formatting/spacing looks one way when you are putting the post together and completely different when it actually posts so you have to change it 3 times to get the spacing and stuff to not look like blindfolded monkeys actually did it?

And why is it that when you upload a picture... it always puts the picture at the top and puts like 5 extra lines at random places all over the post... so that everytime you put in a picture you have to move it... and double check and redo all the spacing in the whole post or it would be 20 pages long??

Anyone have any tips?

A Fun Tradition & Updates

2009-06-11T08:03:00.020-05:00

A Fun Tradition...

Because I have all boys, I save a lot of money on haircuts with some very basic "buzzing" skills and a decent set of clippers. They all get buzzed every summer and sometimes in between. Something that has become a tradition is the "Last-Day-Of-School Mohawk." Today, being the last day of school, 3 of them got designer mohawks.

As my cute boys....

And as "My Homeboys"

Rob, at 14, is aparently too old for this nonsense. Translates to: Some girl told him he should let his hair get a little longer cuz it would be cuter... UGH! Oh, and Jake doesn't really have his ear pierced. It's magnetic; a flashing duck mascot from the baseball game they went to last night.

Update #1: Treehouse

View from the outside, the floor is 9' off the ground. They climb up to the top of that ladder and heft themselves up inside. We have become one of the most popular places in the neighborhood for boys... and we have alotta boys around here.

Views from the inside,

complete with carpet and quite a nice roof.
and ... Yes, Alex & Jake have already slept out in it.

Update #2: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"

And Round #1 of the Paint Wars goes to Cassie, because (as my wise husband says) "Happy Wife, Happy Life." So my living room is becoming blue. That is Blue... not another shade of not-quite-white that maybe kinda looks a little blue-ish in the right light... but blue... that looks BLUE! It took a year of patience, non-nagging patience by-the-way... but I got my way.

Maybe patience really is a virtue...
hmmm... who knew!?

It's Official!

2009-05-26T09:21:00.001-05:00

Final grades are in and I officially graduated with a 4.0 GPA. WooHoo!!!!

(Thanks, Mr. Biochem-Professor-Man for grading on a curve!)

Helloooooo Summer... Vacation?

2009-05-20T11:04:00.005-05:00

Ahhhhhh!!

School is officially over for me for the summer, and possibly for a year. I have decided to wait on School A. I am on a waiting list for an Associate Degree Nursing program and it looks like I will be waiting until fall 2010. I am often amazed at the ease of the decision-making process when you stop worrying and just listen to what God tells you. Mine was a gentle reminder of my priorities.

I was lying in bed one morning, savoring the quiet before the daily storm, when I remembered why I do well in school. I do well because I keep my priorities in line with what God wants for me. Or I try to anyway. My family committments and my jobs from Him come first, and I do what I can with school (God blesses me with good recall for tests). I know many people who spend more time studying than I do, without the same grades to show. I know I do not do it by myself. Why would I want to mess up such a good system to be in a hurry?

So, I have the summer off. HA HA HA

Before the boys get out of school, I am cleaning my house thoroughly, moving kids bedroom arrangements around, making a wedding cake, starting VBS planning, and cleaning some more. After they get out, the boys have 6 weeks of M-F morning activities like tennis, T-ball, and swimming lessons. I'm hoping to get some painting done in my house (still). and Bigfoot is hoping to get a summer job now that he is 14.

The "camp" season starts in the midst of this with VBS at the end of June, then a youth retreat and kids camp in the middle of July, all of which I coordinate. Family Camp is in the beginning of August. I teach a kids class for the week, make desserts for dinner (for 50-60 people) every night, and am responsible for planning (aka delegating) some of the afternoon and evening activities.

Sometime in there I need to test for my CNA certification so I can get a job after Family Camp and work through the school year I am waiting through.

I am going to try to find some time to read a couple Jodi Picoult novels and sit by the pool a little, but I ask you, my fellow moms.... is summer really a vacation?

oh and

PS... I did graduate, but my final grades are not in yet. I'm really hoping my biochemistry teacher grades on a curve.

Now off to clean!!!!

School...

2009-05-01T08:14:00.004-05:00

Please pardon me as I am entering that wonderful season called "Finals!" The time loved and hated by college students everywhere. Loved because it means you are almost done! And hated because... well that one is kind of self-explanatory I think. So please excuse my sad lack of posts for the next couple weeks while I study and try not to fall off my academic pedestal.

The good news is that I get to graduate! OK... so it's only an Associates of Arts & Sciences and really means absolutely nothing in terms of money-making potential, and I still have 2 more years of school to get my nursing degree......
BUT! ... it means I finished something!!!! Yeah!

On that note...

I have recently started that application process for a different nursing program than the one I originally planned. The "Plan A" school has me wait-listed and it doesn't look like I'm going to get in this fall as I had anticipated.

So, enter "Plan B." I was kind of wishy-washy about Plan B, but it became very clear to me that I needed to do the leg-work and let God work everything else, so here I go on the merry-go-round of application & waiting... again. Plan B school has different deadlines and it may be possible that I get in to and start a nursing program this summer ... like 2 months from now. Unfortunately, I won't know if I get in or what my schedule will be until the latter part of June and the program starts in July. I hate being in limbo.

But... God has a sense of humor. He knows I hate being in limbo, so he seems to put a lot of it in my life. I think I am supposed to be learning patience or something. Apparently, I am not doing a very good job.

In the mean time, I am trying to plan summer activities for my kids, church kid and youth camps, etc. not even knowing what my own schedule is going to be.... UGH!

Deep Cleansing Breath...

In-Through-The-Nose.... Out-Through-The-Mouth....AHHHH....

But God knows... and He will work it out...

(He better cuz I sure can't!)

Sometimes it's just cool to be a mom

2009-04-24T01:00:00.003-05:00

So... my little Bubba came in the house tonight and said, "Mom, can I tell you the truth about something?"

I am bracing myself for the "Don't be mad, but I broke blah-blah-blah on accident" line when he says...

"It's just cool to be a boy, Mom." And goes back out to the treehouse with the 4 or 5 other boys who were climbin up and down the ladder and shootin' each other with Nerf guns.

I love boys!

My Love, My Boys, and a Treehouse

2009-04-15T09:57:00.003-05:00

When I met my husband he was 48. He had no children and hadn't really planned to have any. But we fell in love and he knew that I was a package deal. None of my boys have any contact with their biological counterparts. It's "inconvenient" for my ex to have a relationship with his sons. Bubba was an unexpected blessing; unfortunately his other half has never really viewed him that way. So essentially, none of them had fathers, just chromosome donors. (I do get some financial support from my ex for the boys, but he would even like to stop that if he could.)

When My Love and I married, he had just turned 50; I was 32. He is such a gift from God to me and my children. Anyone who knows him, knows that he doesn't do things halfway. He has approached his fatherhood in the same fashion he does everything else. All or nothing.

Whether he planned to be a Dad or not, he's very good at it.

Last week was spring break for the boys. I still had classes MWF, so My Love spent most of the week with the boys working on a project. Did I mention My Love is a carpenter?

We have 3 pine trees in our little backyard, set in the back corner in a triangle. He "helped" the boys build an awesome treehouse. Well, a 3-tree-house actually. The first step was a platform.

Next came the walls. They built them on the ground and hefted them up.
Once up, the side walls were nailed in place.
The end walls were built up on the platform.

The door is a trapdoor in the floor.

The windows are similar, cut out of the walls and hinged down.

And then everybody helped paint.

We've even had our first official treehouse injury when Monkey Boy didn't realize that The Thinker hadn't closed the door after he left and he stepped in it and almost fell out of the treehouse and 8' to the ground.

He caught himself and was fine after a couple days of sore ribs and a lesson in "Watch Where You Walk" and "Respect for the Treehouse." It has antibiotic goop on it, so it looks worse than it is. He was pretty bruised though. And very, very lucky.

I realized that I don't have a picture of the finished product, with the roof and everything. I'll have to add that later. The permanent ladder still needs to be installed.... but it's pretty cool!

And God Is So Good, He's So Good To Me!

The Skinnies

2009-04-14T09:57:00.006-05:00

My family battles the bulge, as I know many people do. I have to give snaps to my mom and my sister who are winning the fight. In the last couple years, they have divested themselves of the equivalent of an entire small person (about 130 pounds between the two of them, I think). For those of you who haven't seen them in awhile, it's pretty remarkable. My Sis is down 6-7 dress sizes and Mom is down 3-4. I made Mom tuck in her shirt, becuase it was too big. She said, "So are the pants that's why it's untucked." Way to go Mom!

I'm incredibly proud of them and incredibly jealous at the same time.

My Corner

2009-03-25T12:58:00.004-05:00

My dear friend who gave me the words for "taking care of my corner" needs prayer.

Her husband (who is also my Bubba's guitar inspiration) was just diagnosed with stage 2 prostate cancer. He has a bone scan sceduled for Friday to see if it has spread to his pelvic bone. They will then play the waiting game until after Easter to get the results; after that, they decide on a treatment plan.

Please pray for them. They are the Music Makers.

The Lonely Goat

2009-03-23T08:40:00.003-05:00

While looking for something entirely different about Julie Andrews on YouTube, I ran across this snippet of "The Lonely Goat" song. It always been my favorite song from The Sound of Music, but I have never seen this version.

Hope it brings you a few Monday Morning chuckles.

Dumb Dog

2009-03-19T11:11:00.000-05:00

I love my dog. He was my wedding gift from my husband; a very unexpected gift because My Love always said he liked dogs but "not in the house." Our pup is definitely an in-the-house dog. He's 2 1/2 years old now and thoroughly part of the family.

He started limping a couple months back and we didn't think much of it. It had happened once before and got better, like he had pulled a muscle or something. You see, he's a beagle. Beagles are not big dogs, but he doesn't know that. He runs and chases and plays just like he was a big dog.

Well, the limp didn't get better and he was overdue for a distemper vaccine, so I took him in to the vet. (The good chic vet, the one that I like. Not the other guy we saw last time that is just Ok.) My dumb dog has gone and torn a cruciate ligament in his knee. The first limp was probably a partial tear, but he did a better job the next time and completely tore it. It's not getting better because ligaments don't have their own blood supply, so they don't heal by themselves.

Now, I love my dog. I do. And him having a bum knee, watching him limp, makes me very, very, very sad. But... he's not my child, he's a dog.

If he was my child, of course, I would pay the $1100 to have his knee surgically repaired. Ms. Vet said it's not a question of "if" he'll get arthritis in the knee, but when and how much - even with surgery. And the surgery is not a permanent fix. It's basically a figure-8 suture that holds things together internally, with the hope that by the time it breaks, enough scar tissue has built up to mostly stabilize the knee. We put him on a doggie anti-inflammatory and joint complex to hopefully decrease the inflammation and minimize his symptoms/discomfort.

So I am coming to grips with the fact that my pup wil probably have a much shorter life than I would like. Beagles usually live 12-15 years if they are kept healthy and trim. He still likes to exercise, but he heavily favors his bad leg after even short walks - a couple square blocks. He loves to run (which now hurts him), but he doesn't like to swim (which would be the easiest on him) so keeping him trim is going to be a challenge. He eats anything and everything he can get his little chops into. If he gets overweight, the joint problems will just get worse. My poor puppy.

Dumb Dog.

Randomness...

2009-03-18T13:13:00.004-05:00

Since my brain is fairly scattered today, but I feel guilty about not posting in over a week, you get my scatterbrained-randomness.

I have a biochemistry midterm on Friday that I have absolutely no motivation to study for. Biochemistry is really quite fascinating and I wish that I put more time in and absorbed more of it rather than just getting through the tests. At this point, I am far enough behind in reading and junk that it feels overwhelming to even attempt it.

By the way, H, I lied. It is aspartame (NutraSweet) that may form formaldehyde in the brain, not sucralose (Splenda). Sucralose "may be partially metabolized into toxic substances," but they are not really sure. The good news is that only 11-27% of ingested sucralose is absorbed and the rest is "excreted unchanged." Woo.Hoo. The stevia was quite good in my yogurt; I added another packet.

Frozen fruit is one of my new kitchen staples. Especially sliced peaches, and strawberries from Cosco.

Although I have never practiced the whole "Lent" and "give something up for Lent" thing, I do agree with the concept of sacrificing something to focus more on God.

Vacation Bible School is fast approaching, and as the coordinator, I am starting to think, plan, and pray. This year is "God's Campground" and it is about the Isrealites in the wilderness and being good stewards of what God gives us. Should be fun.

Bubba is taking guitar lessons and really seems to have a gift for it, especially for his age. But we have hit a practicing desert and need to jump start it before My Love has a k'niption fit and cancels his lessons. Wish me luck.

This Friday, The Black Pearl is weighing anchor here in the Sea of Boys for Monkey Boy's birthday party... pardon me.... Pirate's Revelry. Pray for patience and long suffering for the chief galley slave and deck hand.

I love to tie-dye and have decided to make a tie-dye bedsprerad for Bubba's room and then paint the walls one of the colors from the blanket. I had high-hopes to get it done this week, but realistically, it will probably be May.

Monkey Boy's room will be next. Then the living room. Followed by the kitchen, Bigfoot and The Thinker's rooms, and maybe by the time I retire, my room. I have grand thoughts, but have a hard enough time just keeping up with the usual household stuff to get to the extras. I did get the bathroom done the first summer we were in the house; it was a not-nice yellow and HAD to go. Wish me luck!

ahhhh.... Don't you love exams....?

2009-03-09T16:32:00.005-05:00

I love them.... especially when they are over. I am one exam closer to the end of my lovely A&P (that's anatomy and physiology for you non-science types) class. This particular evil was on the respiratory system. I have discovered a Hermoine-Granger-ish science geek streak since I have been back to school. I typically test really well so I don't stress too much before exams. It's still nice to be on the other side of one.

For some people, studying science encourages them to buy into the concept of evolution. Now I am no Biology PhD or anything. I have taken Microbiology, Chemistry, A&P 1, and (this semester) Biochemistry and A&P 2. And the more science I study, the more ABSOLUTE certainty I have in divine creation. No way did all of these intricacies in our bodies come about BY ACCIDENT.

Because that is what evolutionists claim. That we are all the products of millions of years of accidents and coincidences. What a load of crap. It takes at least 5 different enzymes working in perfect sequence to replicate ONE STRAND of DNA.

{Nucletides are molecules comprised of 3 main parts. Just 4 varieties of nucleotides make up all DNA, but they arrange themselves into millions of different sequences that spell out a kind of code. A,C,G, & T. Each 3-nucleotide sequence codes for one of the 20 amino acids. Amino acids line up in different, and very specific, ways to make up all proteins in your body. Enzymes are proteins, usually with hundreds or thousands of amino acids.}

So without enzymes, your DNA can't reproduce. But without DNA, you can't make enzyes. And supposedly this is all a series of Cosmic Whoopsies? I don't think so. Class dismissed. =P

Taking Care of My Corner

2009-03-07T10:36:00.014-06:00

I mentioned this movie in a previous post and that we didn't finish watching it at the 30-Hour Famine. The other day in my local "Big Box" store, it was on the $4 movie rack, so I bought it and watched it the next day. And. I. Cried. I had a shorter clip in here, but I like this one better.

Profanity effectively filtered, the movie points out so well how one person can make a difference.

A very wise friend of mine told me something a couple of years ago that has stuck with me. She was going through breast cancer at the time and I was helping her out a little at the family day care she runs. She was very appreciative of my time. It was really no big deal to me... just a couple hours here and there. We started talking about service. She said....

"If everyone just took care of their little corner of the world, pretty soon there wouldn't be any corners left out."

I've always kind of tried to do this, but I had never had it articulated so well before. God doesn't expect us to take care of the whole world by ourselves. He just expects us to do our part and take care of our corners. The people in your life.... family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances, people you pass on the street, hungry kids in other countries (World Vision put them in my corner).

My corner today includes doing my family's laundry, making them dinner, helping Mr.T. make an apple pie (he's been asking for one for weeks), and throwing together some cookies and rice krispie squares for some friends who are out running in the rain this afternoon training for a marathon (what a bunch of crazies). Hopefully in the midst of all that, I will get my homework done and get prepped for my exam on the respiratory system on Monday.

God honors your priorities... Love your neighbors as yourself. If my corner is taken care of, God helps me with all the school junk.

Inherited Children

2009-03-03T18:38:00.001-06:00

I was one of these once. I had a freind in high school that was one of those friends where you adopted the family... well the parents at least. I would walk right in the house and say Hi Mom! Hi Dad! and head on upstairs to find my pal.

I'm so happy that my son has one of those and I seemed to have inherited another child from down the block. Mr. T is a little redneck, but I love him. And I love that he knows he can walk right in and say Hi Mom!

Because that's the kind of mom I wanted to be... I wanted our home to be where the kids wanted to hang out because there was just something warm and inviting about it.... it's not ritzy... it's rarely clean for more than 2 seconds at a time.... but there's always a smile and usually cookies... not a bad reputation to have. Welcome to the family Mr. T. I hope you are just the first of many inherited children.

Getting Old

2009-03-03T12:06:00.003-06:00

I am officially 35 years old. For some reason, my 35th birthday was much more emotionally tramatic for me than any other. Maybe it is because my first "baby" is now over 6' tall, wears size 14 shoes, and has started to really look like a young man instead of a "kid." Maybe it is because he keeps rubbing it in my face that he will be driving in less than two years. Maybe it is because I have put on weight since I started school and it is not as easy to take off as it used to be. Maybe it is because the station that used to be "the moldy-oldies" my mom listened too is now "the greatest hits" that I catch myself putting on sometimes as I drive down the road. Whatever the reason, I feel like I'm getting "OLD."

But... I do see a silver lining.

I wouldn't want to be 21 again. Or even 25. I am in such an awesome place in my life right now, that I would not trade "right now" for the bliss of getting my butt back into my high school jeans. And I don't want to waste "right now" trying to recapture my youth.

Even with all the stresses of going to college full-time while raising 4 children, being involved in church work, loving and being a partner and helpmate to my amazing husband, trying to keep track of our collective craziness (I mean homelife) and maybe even trying to find time to blog.... I love "now."

So.... 35.... Bring it on!

Will Starve For Food

2009-03-02T18:58:00.005-06:00

So I spent the weekend with a group of youth and youth leaders starving for food as part of World Vision's annual 30-Hour Famine. My husband has a long history of youth ministry and has been to many of these, but this was my first year in the mix. I took 5 young people with me, ages 12-14; the total group consisted of about 35 kids and 8-10 adults. We left here about 4:30 p.m. Friday and got home about 10 p.m. on Saturday. Of course, I forgot my camera at home.

For the record... I am officially too old to comfortably sleep on the floor. The 6 hours I had to sleep were spent mostly flipping over every half hour or so because my hip bones were not enjoying the experience. At 5:30, I finally just relented and stayed awake. (Hard to believe I used to enjoy that... hmmm) It made for a long day.

Note to self... It is amazing what you unconsciously filter from media. The movie Pay It Forward was on the schedule for Friday night. I was excited because I love that movie. Granted, I've only seen it once, but it left me with a feeling of do-gooder-ish-ness (yes, I know that's not a word). Aparently, the person who recommended it felt the same, and neither we, nor any of the other adults, remembered all the unsavory aspects of the movie... like the fact that the mom works in a strip club, or that certain characters spew profanity like a soaker hose waters the garden. We had to turn it off part way through.

The rest of the weekend was interspersed with game time, service projects, and worship services. The local pastor put a heavy focus on having the heart of a servant; he emphasized the incredible service that Christ did for all of us. That is what I hope the kids took away from it. They did awesome! Fasting for 30 hours is not easy, and I was very proud of all of them. (Way to go, Bigfoot!!)

And a little note about Footwashing... Growing up, I knew the story of Christ washing the feet of His disciples at the Last Supper. However, my husband was raised in the Church of God, which is where the rest of us are now too. In the COG, Footwashing is an ordinance.

Usually, Footwashing is part of a Maundy Thursday service (I still don't know what "Maundy" means other than the Thursday before Easter, but that's another issue). You wash the feet of another and they, or someone else, wash your feet. It is very humbling to have someone kneel in front of you and wash your feet... especially someone you really respect or admire.

The closing service of the Famine, right before we broke our fast, the pastor incorporated footwashing for the kids, explaining and demonstrating with another pastor while a thrid man read the text from the Bible. For many of them, this was their first experience with it, and it was great to see them serve each other. The service ran a little long, but I didn't hear a single complaint. Then on to pancakes and eggs... YUM!

Aren't games supposed to be fun?

2009-02-26T16:14:00.003-06:00

If games are supposed to be fun.... then WHY do we have to cry over Wii golf and yell at the TV when "it's not letting me punch"....?

Overcoming My Technological Intimidation

2009-02-26T14:37:00.001-06:00

With great trepidation about putting my family "out there" and some wonderings whether anyone will ever bother to read this... I am putting aside my fears and jumping on the bloggers' bus.

I think part of my motivation to write is nostaligia for the ones I love that are far away, who I never see, but have so many pleasant "remember whens" with. And to my friends, past and present, who I also rarely see because life is so crazy.

{ Oh. My. Goodness. Am I starting to sound old are what?! }

So this blog is my gift to myself for my 35th birthday.... maybe, if I get with the times, I will stop feeling so outdated. Please excuse me as I get comfy in here.

I promise to get pictures and stuff.... eventually. Remember that patience is a virtue.